In my work, I have often seen people who are already struggling receive plenty of advice.
What they should have done.
What they should do now.
What they should have known better.
Sometimes, the advice is perfectly sensible. Sometimes, it merely states what the person already knows.
“Take it one step at a time.”
“Think positively.”
“You know what you need to do.”
“Try to stay calm.”
There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these statements. In another moment, they may even be useful.
But timing matters.
Knowing what to do and being able to do it while overwhelmed are two very different things.
A person experiencing intense stress, fear, grief or emotional overload does not suddenly lose all knowledge of what is sensible. Often, the difficulty is elsewhere. They may know exactly what they need to do and still feel unable to do it. Emotional overwhelm can narrow attention, cloud thinking and make even simple decisions feel difficult.
This is something I have observed repeatedly in my work.
Sometimes people do not need another explanation of their situation. They have already analysed it themselves, often repeatedly. They know where things went wrong. They know what they should probably do next.
What they may need first is to feel heard.
Sometimes they need someone to stay with the discomfort rather than immediately trying to fix it.
Sometimes they need practical help.
And sometimes, they simply need a hand.
Advice is not the problem. Advice has its place. Perspective has its place too.
The question is whether we have understood the person’s state before deciding what they need.
One of the important things I have learnt through my work is that when people are overwhelmed, more information is not always more helpful. Before deciding what someone needs to hear, perhaps it is worth pausing long enough to understand what they are actually experiencing.
Because helping is not always about having the right thing to say.
Sometimes, it begins with understanding where the other person is before deciding how to help them from there.
Janani Srikanth is an author, psychologist and human behaviour specialist whose work explores the mind, emotions, relationships and the patterns that shape everyday human behaviour.
She is also a mental health advocate whose work contributes to creating more open, informed conversations around psychological well-being and challenging the silence and stigma surrounding mental health.
She is the author of several books across psychology, personal growth and fiction.
Explore her books: https://www.amazon.in/stores/Janani-Srikanth/author/B0BTX2G413
Explore her mental health advocacy work: https://jananisrikanth.com/break-the-taboo
No comments:
Post a Comment