Wednesday, November 19, 2025

When Memory Becomes Meaning: The Emotional Story We Don’t Realise We’re Writing

One part of psychological study that always fascinated me was how much of our work rests on understanding the architecture of the brain. Not in the dry, anatomical sense, but in the way structure influences experience — how the physical becomes emotional, how biology becomes biography.

During a conversation with a fellow psychologist recently, the topic drifted toward the hippocampus. A small structure, often spoken of in passing, yet central to something deeply human. In one line, we both acknowledged what we already know but rarely pause to feel: the hippocampus binds memory with emotion. 

Without that connection, nothing truly stays.

And that thought stayed with me longer than the conversation did.

Because once you step away from the textbooks, this is not about neuroscience anymore. It is about life — yours, mine, everyone’s. It is the quiet truth that we don’t remember events; we remember the emotions they carried.

Think of your favourite food.

You don’t recall it because of the recipe.

You recall it because of the warmth of the person who made it.

Or the loved one who sat beside you as you took the first bite.

Think of a place you return to in your mind.

It is not the building or the street.

It is the version of yourself who felt at home there.

We like to believe memory is factual, but the truth is gentler and more intimate. We remember what made us feel something. Everything else dissolves into background noise.

This emotional mapping quietly shapes our entire life.

Why certain people feel safe the moment you meet them.

Why some conversations stay with you for days.

Why a small gesture, often unnoticed by others, can soften something inside you.

It is not logic. It is emotional memory at work.

In therapy too, stories rarely arrive as timelines. People tell you what the moment did to them.

“That silence made me feel forgotten.”

“That sentence made me feel seen.”

“That day changed how I understood myself.”

It is the feeling that survives, not the sequence of events.

And this is where understanding emotional memory becomes more than theory. It becomes a way of seeing your own life with compassion.

You realise your reactions aren’t random. They are patterns etched by past emotional experiences.

You realise your longing, your resistance, your comfort, your distance — all have roots.

You realise that healing is not about erasing the memory but about rewriting the emotional meaning attached to it.

You cannot change the event.

But you can change the weight it carries.

When you recognise this, your awareness shifts. 

You begin to notice the small moments you once rushed past. The softness in someone’s tone. The safety in a presence. The quiet steadiness of a place. You pay attention to what stirs you, what calms you, what unsettles you — because you know these are the threads your inner world will later weave into memory.

You start living with a deeper attention.

A gentler pace.

A cleaner understanding of what truly stays.

And you begin to ask yourself a different kind of question — not “What happened today,” but “What from today will stay with me, and why?”

That is the real story you are writing, moment by moment.

Your emotional memory is not just a function of the brain.

It is the quiet autobiography of your life — the one you don’t even realise you’re authoring.

Here’s to the beauty of life and the way it keeps entertaining us when we simply care to observe.



Thursday, October 23, 2025

The Friend, The Stranger, and The Rain

 


Human connections are both simple and complex. They begin without warning, end without ceremony, and yet — some linger like the scent of rain long after the cloud has moved on.

I’ve often wondered why certain faces or gestures stay etched in memory. 

The world is full of people we pass like signboards on a highway, but a few — a very few — touch something wordless in us and leave a smile that refuses to fade.

Robert Schwartz, in his book Your Soul’s Plan, says we might have a “soul team” — people who appear in our lives exactly when we need them. Some stay, some just help us cross a street, literally or metaphorically, and then vanish. 

Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. 

But either way, it pays to be kind, welcoming, and open to the small miracles of friendliness.

Because sometimes, kindness comes disguised as a ride on a confusing New Jersey street.

Years ago, I was in the U.S. on a two-week business visit. I didn’t have an international driving permit, which in America is like not having legs. My client, considerate, had put me up in a building next to the office. It sounded convenient — until I discovered that “next to” in New Jersey meant “divided by four lanes of traffic, two manic roundabouts, and a footpath that gave up halfway.”

Crossing to the office each morning felt like performing a daredevil act minus the applause.

My husband happened to be in a nearby state in the US and decided to visit me over the weekend. It was a sweet plan — except that he too lacked the sacred internal driving rights. No Uber then, no smartphone maps, no “share live location.” It feels ancient now to even write that sentence.

Somewhere between optimism and panic, I remembered an old acquaintance from Orkut days — yes, the pre-historic social media of polite testimonials and friendship scraps. We had worked briefly together years ago, never kept in touch, but I knew he lived in New Jersey.

I sent him a hesitant message, asking if he could just guide my husband to the right bus stop or give him directions. 

He replied within minutes — “Don’t worry, I’ll pick him up.”

It was a Friday night. He probably had plans. Yet, without a second thought, he drove across town, picked my husband up, dropped him at my place, said a quick hello, and left.

No drama. No long conversations. Just that small, thoughtful act.

I still remember feeling a rush of gratitude so deep it made my eyes sting. I wasn’t stranded or in danger, just mildly confused in a foreign land. But that simple gesture made me feel something rare — cared for.

There’s a peculiar intimacy in being helped by someone who has nothing to gain. Maybe that’s what we miss in our perfectly mapped digital lives today — the spontaneity of kindness, the quiet grace of someone showing up because they can.

That memory has stayed with me for nearly two decades. Not because it was extraordinary, but because it was casual and yet unforgettable.

Much like another evening — one closer to home.

It was a rainy day in Chennai, which in itself is an event worth documenting. I was leaving my office at TIDEL Park — a familiar fortress of glass, code, and crowds. 

My father, a man of practical foresight, had made me carry an umbrella big enough to shelter a small family. “It’s the monsoon,” he had said gravely, which in Chennai usually means a drizzle once every three weeks.

But that evening, his prophecy held.

As I stepped out, rain began its steady performance, blurring lights and soaking pavements. I opened my oversized umbrella — more a small canopy than a rain cover — and began the long walk toward the main gate. Anyone who’s worked in TIDEL Park knows that stretch — long and perfect for introspection or existential dread, depending on your project deadlines.

I’d barely walked a few steps when I heard footsteps behind me, quick and hesitant. A man — probably a fellow tech commuter — ran up and said, almost apologetically, “Excuse me, can I walk with you till the gate? I don’t have an umbrella.”

I nodded, because honestly, my umbrella had the capacity for both of us and a small motorbike.

He was tall, which made it easier — he took the handle, angled it so the rain didn’t whip across us, and we began walking. Just two strangers sharing temporary shade under a stubborn drizzle.

We started talking. Nothing deep — work, rain, traffic, why Chennai autos behave like they’re auditioning for Fast & Furious. But the conversation flowed easily, like we’d known each other longer than the few minutes since the gate.

At one point he said, “You know, this umbrella deserves an appreciation certificate.”
I laughed. “It’s my dad’s influence. He believes preparedness is the highest virtue.”
He nodded gravely. “Dads and their weather prophecies. Mine still thinks carrying a torch is essential in case of power cuts.”

By the time we reached the gate, the rain had softened, and so had the evening. We paused, smiled, said the usual “nice meeting you,” and went our separate ways. No exchange of numbers, no names, no attempts to stay in touch. Just two soaked professionals who happened to share a walk.

If you’re reading this and remember walking to the TIDEL Park gate with a woman carrying a ridiculous umbrella twenty years ago — yes, it was me.

I think of that walk often. Maybe because it was such a perfect metaphor for connection — two paths overlapping briefly, long enough to make the rain feel lighter.

Over the years, I’ve met many such people — kindness in passing. 

A stranger helping with directions, a colleague offering chai when words fail, a neighbour who remembers your dog’s name but not yours. 

They may not stay in your story, but they appear exactly when the plot needs them.

Perhaps we underestimate these fleeting bonds. We glorify permanence — best friends, lifelong mentors, “ride or die” companions — but life, in its quiet wisdom, gives us many smaller connections. The kind that don’t need definitions or contact lists.

They remind us that goodness still exists, that help still arrives unannounced, that we are never as alone as we think.

Sometimes, on hard days, I find comfort not in grand declarations of love or loyalty, but in those small, nameless moments of shared humanity — a smile from a stranger, a held umbrella, an assuring call, or a prayer offered with love.

Maybe that’s what “soul teams” really are. Not dramatic, predestined reunions, but everyday kindnesses woven into our path to keep us from hardening too much.

And if it isn’t some cosmic plan, if it’s just people being nice — even better. It means we still have the choice to be that person for someone else.

So I’ve learned to say yes — to conversations, to helping, to smiling back. To letting a moment be what it is without rushing to frame it into something more.

Because human connections, like train journeys or shared umbrellas, don’t need to last forever to mean something.

They just need to happen sincerely.

And who knows — years from now, someone might remember you too. Not for what you said or did, but for how you made them feel on a rainy walk or a confusing Friday night in New Jersey.

Maybe they’ll smile, like I do now, and think — some souls really do travel together, even if only for a few stops.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Let People Build Their Sandcastles

Some people create — a sketch, a poem, a tune — not to seek applause, not to win arguments, but simply because it feels good to let something beautiful out into the world. 

A small offering. A moment of joy shared in passing.

And then, almost on cue, arrives the Parade-Rainer. 

Not to appreciate, not to question gently, but to deliver a lofty correction or grand philosophical objection. A remark dropped with the weight of authority, yet on closer look, not even accurate. Wrong tone and wrong facts — a spectacular two-for-one.

It’s the equivalent of walking past a child building a sandcastle and declaring: “Well, technically, civilizations are doomed to fall.” 

Insightful? Hardly. 

Helpful? Not at all. 

Accurate? Not even close.


That’s the strange comedy of it — someone investing energy to dim a light that wasn’t even shining on them, and managing to get the dimming wrong.

The truth is, not every poem needs a counter-lecture, not every tender moment of creativity requires a correction. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is smile, or scroll past, or simply let someone enjoy their moment.

Because if it’s not your parade, why insist on marching in it — especially with a raincloud over everyone else’s confetti?

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Questionably Nice: The Secret Life of Ordinary Excellence

There’s something quietly amusing about how society treats perfection, as if it’s a contagious lie.

You see a couple walking down the street, holding hands, smiling at each other with that rare kind of easy affection, and someone whispers, “Hmm… they must have issues. No one’s that happy.”

Because heaven forbid love exist without complications, therapy sessions, or passive-aggressive texting between eye rolls. Happiness, apparently, is suspect.

Or take social media.

Someone crafts an article that has perfect grammar. Not a missing comma in sight. You might expect applause—or at least a nod of recognition.

But no.

People lean back, squint at the screen, and murmur, “Wait… did you write this? Must’ve used some tool. No human can… you know… write so well.” Structured grammar, coherent thought, thoughtfulness—all suddenly proof that you are not quite of this world.

And yet, paradoxically, the same world expects perfection in deliverables, clarity in communication, and competence in execution. The absurdity is exquisite.

Even compliments are dangerous.

A friend writes a thoughtful, genuine note praising your work or effort, and suddenly a third party wonders aloud, “Why are they being so nice? What do they really want?”

Generosity, kindness, care—these are now anomalies, anomalies that demand hidden motives. Because if humans can be purely good, free of irony or agenda, the world feels unbalanced. Sincerity, it seems, is a threat to equilibrium.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more pronounced than when promotions appear on the horizon.

Ah yes, the office promotion—the ultimate social Rorschach test.

Someone receives recognition, and the gossip machinery revs to life: “She got promoted? Must be buttering up the boss.”

It doesn’t matter that the person has consistently produced brilliant work and exceeded every target. No, clearly there is a hidden agenda. Recognition, merit, and excellence cannot exist organically. Success must always be engineered through charm or manipulation, preferably while standing on one foot and winking at the boss.

Compliments at meetings? Calculated.
Staying late occasionally? Strategic.
Offering to help a stressed coworker? Networking.

Every act of competence, kindness, or initiative is filtered through the lens of suspicion.

This suspicion isn’t restricted to promotions or relationships. It extends into every sphere of life where effort meets recognition.

The message is clear: humans cannot simply do well—they must have ulterior motives. Competence must be mysterious, and success must be suspicious. Ordinary excellence is dissected, analyzed, and reframed as either artifice or subterfuge.

It’s funny, really. Society has a curious obsession with imperfection. Flaws are comforting—they prove that life is messy, unpredictable, and human.

If someone is kind without irony, competent without manipulation, or precise without calculation, it feels like an anomaly. And when that anomaly is rewarded—a promotion, a public acknowledgment, even a smile—it threatens the narrative we have constructed about how life “usually” works. Excellence becomes, by default, suspect.


Yet there is a subtle, quiet joy in this absurdity. Observing perfection or competence without ulterior motives becomes a kind of private amusement. We notice the humor in the whispers, the sideways glances, the over-analysis. There is liberation in witnessing skill and sincerity without being required to explain or justify it. Excellence exists, and sometimes the most satisfying response is simply to smile and let the world puzzle over it.

And then there are the everyday instances—the small, nearly invisible ones—that compound the amusement.

The colleague who brings in a perfectly baked cake for a team birthday.
The teammate who quietly fixes a shared spreadsheet without announcement.
The manager who gives clear, concise feedback. Feedback that actually helps people grow.

Each act is met with gratitude by those directly involved, yet whispers circulate elsewhere: “Wait… why are they being helpful? Is there a reason?”

The humor emerges from the tension between intention and perception—the sheer audacity of humans doing good or competent work without ulterior motive.

Happiness, competence, and kindness are treated like rare artifacts, almost too precious to trust. And yet, they exist. Quietly, beautifully, and often unnoticed.

I’ve come to see these social suspicions as a reflection less of reality and more of human psychology. Humans are narrative beings. We need stories with conflict, mystery, and twists.

When someone simply acts with integrity or skill, we instinctively invent a story to account for it.
A loving couple? Must have hidden arguments.
A competent coworker? Must have hidden strategies.
A kind friend? Must have hidden demands.

If life were simply as it appears, we would be deprived of plot, suspense, and gossip. And so, suspicion is born, not from the person, but from the audience’s craving for complexity.

This absurdity, however, is rich material for humor. We are performers and spectators at once, caught between genuine effort and constant evaluation.

So, what is the lesson here?

Perhaps it is that perfection, competence, and kindness do not need to defend themselves. The pursuit of perfection, or the compulsion to manufacture it, can easily kill the present. No one needs to chase flawless expression or flawless behavior relentlessly. Yet when perfection does appear—whether in a well-crafted paragraph, a thoughtful gesture, or a quietly competent act—it should inspire hope, not suspicion.

And sometimes, if someone asks, we can simply smile and say, “Completely human, completely intentional. Just a little extra care in a world that often skips it.”

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

Writing is Who I am



It usually starts with a smile.


A pause.


Then, casually — like asking how many sugars I take in my coffee — someone drops the line: 

“How do you write so much?”

They say it with interest.
Sometimes with awe.
Sometimes with the gentle disbelief reserved for people who do strange things voluntarily. Like running marathons in the rain. Or watching documentaries to relax.

I nod. I smile. I know the question isn’t new.

People notice patterns. They see the articles, the stories, the newsletters, the books. My name keeps floating up every now and then.

The natural assumption? I must have some secret formula. A quirky muse. Maybe an underground lab where I whisper ideas to my AI clone while sipping turmeric chai.

If only.

The truth is, I write because I like it. That’s it.
That’s the secret.
I like it.

Writing, for me, isn’t something I have to force. It’s not a tool I sharpen for performance. It’s not even some brave act of self-expression.

Writing is like breathing.

It’s like being in a hill station where the air feels clearer, the noise dims, and you remember how to be a person again. That’s what writing does for me.

Yes, there’s a process. A real one. There are index cards. Storyboarding. Showing up every single day — whether I feel profound or not.

People rarely want to credit the method or discipline. It’s easier to attribute it to magic. Or madness.

Some say, “I haven’t read everything but I love how consistent you are!” — the literary equivalent of, “I didn’t taste the food, but the presentation is stunning.”

Still, I appreciate it. Because attention — especially today — isn’t nothing.

Sometimes I want to answer with equal ambiguity: “I breathe in. I write out.” Or: “I wait till the hill air hits, and the sentences just arrive.” (Spoiler: I don’t live in the hills.)

The truth is I feel like writing often. It brings me back into focus. Some people go for walks. I chase paragraphs.

I’m not chasing greatness. Not trying to write like Nietzsche or Camus.
Not trying to impress. I write because it’s what I do. Because it’s what I’ve always done.

Now and then someone says, “You’re always writing,” as if it’s a condition I should monitor. As if one day a doctor will diagnose me with Excessive Creative Output Syndrome and prescribe rest, hydration, and no metaphors for a week.

But what they don’t see is that writing doesn’t drain me. It fills me.

That’s what people miss when they chase productivity hacks. They want content calendars, neat and colour-coded. But creative work — especially the kind rooted in human experience — doesn’t run on timelines. It runs on truth.

Of course, the DMs keep coming:
“Hey Janani, just wondering if you need help scaling your brand…”
I’m a trained counsellor, engineer, and personal branding expert. I didn’t ask for help. But unsolicited expertise thrives.

I nod, archive, and return to what matters — the work.

Not the visibility of it. Not the branding of it.
Just the quiet discipline of showing up for what feels real.

Of course, I don’t expect everyone to read everything I write. But it does amuse me how often people skip the piece but want to know how I wrote it. It’s like ignoring the movie but asking how the director framed the shots.

Once, someone asked what editing tool I use. I told them: “Mostly… my eyes.” Needless to say they were disappointed.

Another time, a friend texted: “I haven’t read the whole piece yet but HOW do you keep writing week after week?!” I replied, “Well, reading the piece might actually answer that.” She sent a laughing emoji. And didn’t read it.

Still, I hold no resentment.

I’m grateful for the question — even if it misses the heart of what I do. Because somewhere in that curiosity is a reminder that people are watching. Even if they’re not reading. Yet.

It’s not a job, even though I’ve made it one. It’s not therapy, though it often feels better than some. It’s not self-promotion. It’s self-return.

There are, of course, days when I don’t write. When I just want to scroll, eat toast, and be unremarkable. And I let myself. Because writing is not a chain I’m tied to. It’s a window I get to open.

Most days, though, I write. Not for algorithms. Not for applause.
Because something in me asks, gently — “Can we make sense of this?” And I answer, “Okay.”

So yes, I write often. I write publicly. Without waiting to feel genius. And when people ask how I do it, I give them a kind answer.

Because maybe what they’re really asking is:

Can I do it too?
What does it take to be honest out loud?
Will anyone care if I do?

To all of that, I say: yes. Yes. And yes — even if it’s just you.

And to the readers who not only read my latest book Fear Off Work but also every article, newsletter, and even poster captions — thank you. You are the reason my book marketing phase is fun. You notice the tone, the phrasing, even the background score. You tell me about the one word I paused on or the moment the music shifted. That’s my tribe.

This journey has been deeply rewarding.

Despite all the humour, I want to say this plainly: I have nothing but love and gratitude — for every curious question, for every kind message, and for you, the reader, who quietly builds me up and reminds me why I keep writing.

Thank you!

📖 If you enjoyed this piece, my latest book Fear Off Work dives into a very different world — the fears we carry into our careers, and how to break free from them. Buy it here → https://www.amazon.in/dp/B0FL7WWCH1

To check out my bibliography, please visit my amazon author page: https://www.amazon.in/stores/Janani-Srikanth/author/B0BTX2G413

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Tuesday, July 22, 2025

The Philosophy of Music #StressFreeJuly

 

In a world that rarely slows down, stress can become the background score to our lives.

We rush, respond, react—rarely pausing long enough to feel what’s really playing inside us.

But sometimes, it takes a familiar melody, a quiet instrumental, or a timeless Bach piece to remind us: music isn't just for filling silence. It can become a path to finding it.

As part of #StressFreeJuly, we’ve spoken of movement, rest, and digital detoxes. But there’s one gentle shift that’s often overlooked: listening to music—not passively, but completely. Not as background noise, but as a mirror.

The German philosopher Josef Pieper once said:

"Not only is music one of the most amazing and mysterious phenomena of all the world’s miranda, the things that make us wonder but music may be nothing but a secret philosophizing of the soul. Music prompts the philosopher’s continued interest because it is by its nature so close to the fundamentals of human existence."

This isn’t a poetic exaggeration. It’s a psychological truth.

Music, when truly absorbed, allows us to bypass the analytical mind. It bypasses the inner critic, the overthinking, the performance trap.

It meets us where we are, and slowly, wordlessly, helps us move somewhere softer.

Stress often stems from disconnection—from ourselves, from our feelings, from the present moment. But when you surrender to a song, especially one without lyrics, something shifts. You’re no longer trying to fix or solve your inner state. You're simply being with it. Feeling it. Allowing it to surface and move through.

Pieper calls this process a kind of “secret philosophizing of the soul.” You’re not consciously thinking deep thoughts. But somewhere within, you begin to reflect. You may find that a sorrow you've buried returns, not to harm but to release. You may notice that a fear, once tangled in your chest, softens under the weight of a cello or the clarity of a piano.

There’s no rule about which genre to choose. It could be a Bach fugue, a lo-fi instrumental, a movie soundtrack, or your childhood lullaby.

What matters is your presence. Listening not to distract yourself, but to meet yourself.

So this week, give yourself ten quiet minutes. No phone. No scrolling. Just music.

Sit with it. Let it move through the noise in your head.

Let it reach the part of you that words often can’t.

Because sometimes, the most powerful form of healing isn’t about doing more. It’s about hearing more—of yourself.

P.S. One of the stories in my latest book, 'A Connection Called Life' explores how a quiet moment of shared music can spark something meaningful. If you’ve ever found yourself changed by a single song, that story 'Musical Connections' might stay with you. Check it out here: https://amzn.in/d/6uBF7b9


Thursday, May 29, 2025

Fear and Healing

I’m writing a series for #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth. Every Thursday this May, I’m exploring one theme that shapes how we live, feel, and function.


This week’s theme is fear—and how healing begins when we stop resisting it.


Not all fear announces itself. It doesn’t always arrive with racing thoughts or a pounding heart. Sometimes, fear wears the face of ambition. Sometimes, it hides behind control, perfectionism, overthinking, people-pleasing, or the need to stay endlessly busy.


Fear shows up when we avoid rest, delay hard conversations, or hold back joy just in case it doesn’t last.


If you look closely, you’ll see how much fear runs the show—without ever being named.

It sounds like:

 • “I can’t afford to mess this up.”

 • “What if they think I’m too much?”

 • “I don’t want to look like I can’t handle it.”

 • “Let me just finish this first, then I’ll focus on myself.”


We’ve normalized this kind of inner pressure. It can even look responsible. Productive.


But underneath, many of us are driven by a quiet anxiety: that we’re not enough, that we’ll fall behind, that something will collapse if we stop trying so hard.


How do we heal from this cycle?


Healing doesn’t start with grand gestures. 


It starts with quiet noticing.


Catching the moment your jaw clenches in disagreement. 


The reflex to apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. 


The urge to sabotage something good because you’re unsure you deserve it.


Healing is about becoming honest. It’s about recognizing what fear is trying to protect—and asking if that protection still serves you.


The intent is not to fix yourself—but to believe you’re allowed to feel safe in your own life.


Mental wellness doesn’t mean you’ll never be afraid. It means you’ll know how to recognize fear without obeying it. It means dropping the shame and getting curious about what’s beneath your patterns.


And maybe, instead of trying to outrun fear, you’ll begin to understand it.


You don’t owe the world a perfect version of yourself.

You owe yourself a life that feels steady, present, and honest.


And that's when healing begins!


--

If this reflection resonated with you, my book Fear Off Life explores this exact journey—with real stories, practical insights, and the quiet permission to live more freely. Available now on Amazon: https://amzn.in/d/41k6CRh








Thursday, May 22, 2025

The art of self-reflection

I’m doing a Mental Wellness Series for #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth. Every Thursday this May, I’m writing about one theme that shapes how we live, feel, and function.


This week’s focus is self-reflection.


We spend so much time looking outward—managing tasks, responding to others, chasing what’s next. It’s easy to become efficient at everything—except being with yourself.


Self-reflection isn’t a trend or a one-time exercise. It’s a quiet habit of returning to your inner world. A chance to check in before things pile up. A way to stay honest with yourself when life gets loud.


But when things are uncertain or fast, reflection can feel like a luxury. When you’re always solving or giving, it can feel unnatural to pause and ask, How am I really doing with all of this?


We’re conditioned to value doing over being. Output over observation. But without reflection, we live on autopilot—reacting instead of responding, pushing forward without checking if it’s even the direction we want.


Mental wellness isn’t just about pushing through. It’s about knowing yourself—what grounds you, what drains you, when you're out of alignment, when you’re pretending to be fine.


That kind of knowing doesn’t come from noise. It comes from stillness. From noticing without judgment. 


Self-reflection isn’t about overthinking. It’s about seeing clearly. It’s asking, Am I living in a way that feels true—or just tolerable?


In therapy, I meet people who are doing well on paper but feel disconnected inside. Not because they’re broken, but because they’ve been living by borrowed rules without pausing to ask if those rules still fit.


Sometimes, clarity doesn’t come from talking to someone else. It comes from listening to yourself. Writing something down. Sitting with your own words. Noticing the small signs of misalignment you’ve been ignoring.


You don’t need a long ritual to reflect. You need honesty. Five quiet minutes. A willingness to be with what is.


Because self-reflection isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about asking better questions. About remembering that your life is allowed to change when you do.


So this week, give yourself a moment—not to plan or solve, but to listen.

Here's to self-reflection leading to lasting transformation for all of us.

--

If you are looking for a structured way to reflect, do not forget to check out my bestselling book on the topic ‘Question The Answers.’ https://lnkd.in/gEKjdyHY







Thursday, May 15, 2025

Emotional Residue in Relationships

I’m doing a Mental Wellness Series for #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth. Every Thursday, I write about one theme that quietly shapes how we live, feel, and function.

This week’s focus is on the emotional residue of relationships.

Relationships are meant to nourish us. But sometimes, they drain us in ways we struggle to name. Not because we don’t love the people in our lives—but because even good relationships carry invisible weight: unspoken expectations, unresolved patterns, emotional labor we didn’t realize we signed up for.

We often treat mental health like it lives only inside us. But much of it plays out in how we relate to others—how we communicate, how we manage closeness, how much space we feel allowed to take up.

It doesn’t always show up as dramatic conflict. Often, it’s subtle: –
– Rewording a message to sound softer
– Feeling drained after every interaction
– Wanting more but being afraid to ask for it

We carry these small weights daily. Over time, they add up to fatigue, numbness, resentment. And we don’t always notice—until we’re tired for no clear reason.

As a psychologist, I also meet people who aren’t in crisis or heartbreak. They’re just worn out. Quietly overwhelmed from being everything to everyone. Not asking for much. Just room to be. A connection that doesn’t feel like performance.

That’s what emotional residue does.

It doesn’t always appear inside the relationship—it appears inside us. In the hesitation. The hypervigilance. The slow retreat from our own needs.

And the hardest part? We don’t talk about it.

We tell ourselves it’s not that bad. That we should just manage. But managing isn’t healing.

You can love someone and still feel unseen.
You can be grateful and still want more.
You can accept effort and still long for ease.

Healing begins with honest questions: –
What part of me do I shrink in this relationship?
What am I giving that I no longer feel free to stop?
What version of me does this connection expect—and is that still me?

Sometimes, these questions help us return to the relationship with more clarity. Other times, they help us realize that what we’ve been calling connection is actually obligation.

Either way, the work starts within.

Mental wellness isn’t just about stress or mood. It’s about having spaces where you can exhale. Relationships where you don’t overthink your existence. Bonds that make you feel more like yourself. The right relationships will always make room for your whole self.

Here’s to better relationships leading to happier lives for all of us.
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If you want to know my take on what a healthy relationship really looks like, don’t forget to check out my bestselling fiction works 'Taste of Fate' and 'Work- Love Balance,' both available on Amazon.
 https://lnkd.in/gzYvt8kY

#Psychology #Mentalhealth #Relationships #EQ