Wednesday, November 19, 2025

When Memory Becomes Meaning: The Emotional Story We Don’t Realise We’re Writing

One part of psychological study that always fascinated me was how much of our work rests on understanding the architecture of the brain. Not in the dry, anatomical sense, but in the way structure influences experience — how the physical becomes emotional, how biology becomes biography.

During a conversation with a fellow psychologist recently, the topic drifted toward the hippocampus. A small structure, often spoken of in passing, yet central to something deeply human. In one line, we both acknowledged what we already know but rarely pause to feel: the hippocampus binds memory with emotion. 

Without that connection, nothing truly stays.

And that thought stayed with me longer than the conversation did.

Because once you step away from the textbooks, this is not about neuroscience anymore. It is about life — yours, mine, everyone’s. It is the quiet truth that we don’t remember events; we remember the emotions they carried.

Think of your favourite food.

You don’t recall it because of the recipe.

You recall it because of the warmth of the person who made it.

Or the loved one who sat beside you as you took the first bite.

Think of a place you return to in your mind.

It is not the building or the street.

It is the version of yourself who felt at home there.

We like to believe memory is factual, but the truth is gentler and more intimate. We remember what made us feel something. Everything else dissolves into background noise.

This emotional mapping quietly shapes our entire life.

Why certain people feel safe the moment you meet them.

Why some conversations stay with you for days.

Why a small gesture, often unnoticed by others, can soften something inside you.

It is not logic. It is emotional memory at work.

In therapy too, stories rarely arrive as timelines. People tell you what the moment did to them.

“That silence made me feel forgotten.”

“That sentence made me feel seen.”

“That day changed how I understood myself.”

It is the feeling that survives, not the sequence of events.

And this is where understanding emotional memory becomes more than theory. It becomes a way of seeing your own life with compassion.

You realise your reactions aren’t random. They are patterns etched by past emotional experiences.

You realise your longing, your resistance, your comfort, your distance — all have roots.

You realise that healing is not about erasing the memory but about rewriting the emotional meaning attached to it.

You cannot change the event.

But you can change the weight it carries.

When you recognise this, your awareness shifts. 

You begin to notice the small moments you once rushed past. The softness in someone’s tone. The safety in a presence. The quiet steadiness of a place. You pay attention to what stirs you, what calms you, what unsettles you — because you know these are the threads your inner world will later weave into memory.

You start living with a deeper attention.

A gentler pace.

A cleaner understanding of what truly stays.

And you begin to ask yourself a different kind of question — not “What happened today,” but “What from today will stay with me, and why?”

That is the real story you are writing, moment by moment.

Your emotional memory is not just a function of the brain.

It is the quiet autobiography of your life — the one you don’t even realise you’re authoring.

Here’s to the beauty of life and the way it keeps entertaining us when we simply care to observe.



Thursday, October 23, 2025

The Friend, The Stranger, and The Rain

 


Human connections are both simple and complex. They begin without warning, end without ceremony, and yet — some linger like the scent of rain long after the cloud has moved on.

I’ve often wondered why certain faces or gestures stay etched in memory. 

The world is full of people we pass like signboards on a highway, but a few — a very few — touch something wordless in us and leave a smile that refuses to fade.

Robert Schwartz, in his book Your Soul’s Plan, says we might have a “soul team” — people who appear in our lives exactly when we need them. Some stay, some just help us cross a street, literally or metaphorically, and then vanish. 

Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. 

But either way, it pays to be kind, welcoming, and open to the small miracles of friendliness.

Because sometimes, kindness comes disguised as a ride on a confusing New Jersey street.

Years ago, I was in the U.S. on a two-week business visit. I didn’t have an international driving permit, which in America is like not having legs. My client, considerate, had put me up in a building next to the office. It sounded convenient — until I discovered that “next to” in New Jersey meant “divided by four lanes of traffic, two manic roundabouts, and a footpath that gave up halfway.”

Crossing to the office each morning felt like performing a daredevil act minus the applause.

My husband happened to be in a nearby state in the US and decided to visit me over the weekend. It was a sweet plan — except that he too lacked the sacred internal driving rights. No Uber then, no smartphone maps, no “share live location.” It feels ancient now to even write that sentence.

Somewhere between optimism and panic, I remembered an old acquaintance from Orkut days — yes, the pre-historic social media of polite testimonials and friendship scraps. We had worked briefly together years ago, never kept in touch, but I knew he lived in New Jersey.

I sent him a hesitant message, asking if he could just guide my husband to the right bus stop or give him directions. 

He replied within minutes — “Don’t worry, I’ll pick him up.”

It was a Friday night. He probably had plans. Yet, without a second thought, he drove across town, picked my husband up, dropped him at my place, said a quick hello, and left.

No drama. No long conversations. Just that small, thoughtful act.

I still remember feeling a rush of gratitude so deep it made my eyes sting. I wasn’t stranded or in danger, just mildly confused in a foreign land. But that simple gesture made me feel something rare — cared for.

There’s a peculiar intimacy in being helped by someone who has nothing to gain. Maybe that’s what we miss in our perfectly mapped digital lives today — the spontaneity of kindness, the quiet grace of someone showing up because they can.

That memory has stayed with me for nearly two decades. Not because it was extraordinary, but because it was casual and yet unforgettable.

Much like another evening — one closer to home.

It was a rainy day in Chennai, which in itself is an event worth documenting. I was leaving my office at TIDEL Park — a familiar fortress of glass, code, and crowds. 

My father, a man of practical foresight, had made me carry an umbrella big enough to shelter a small family. “It’s the monsoon,” he had said gravely, which in Chennai usually means a drizzle once every three weeks.

But that evening, his prophecy held.

As I stepped out, rain began its steady performance, blurring lights and soaking pavements. I opened my oversized umbrella — more a small canopy than a rain cover — and began the long walk toward the main gate. Anyone who’s worked in TIDEL Park knows that stretch — long and perfect for introspection or existential dread, depending on your project deadlines.

I’d barely walked a few steps when I heard footsteps behind me, quick and hesitant. A man — probably a fellow tech commuter — ran up and said, almost apologetically, “Excuse me, can I walk with you till the gate? I don’t have an umbrella.”

I nodded, because honestly, my umbrella had the capacity for both of us and a small motorbike.

He was tall, which made it easier — he took the handle, angled it so the rain didn’t whip across us, and we began walking. Just two strangers sharing temporary shade under a stubborn drizzle.

We started talking. Nothing deep — work, rain, traffic, why Chennai autos behave like they’re auditioning for Fast & Furious. But the conversation flowed easily, like we’d known each other longer than the few minutes since the gate.

At one point he said, “You know, this umbrella deserves an appreciation certificate.”
I laughed. “It’s my dad’s influence. He believes preparedness is the highest virtue.”
He nodded gravely. “Dads and their weather prophecies. Mine still thinks carrying a torch is essential in case of power cuts.”

By the time we reached the gate, the rain had softened, and so had the evening. We paused, smiled, said the usual “nice meeting you,” and went our separate ways. No exchange of numbers, no names, no attempts to stay in touch. Just two soaked professionals who happened to share a walk.

If you’re reading this and remember walking to the TIDEL Park gate with a woman carrying a ridiculous umbrella twenty years ago — yes, it was me.

I think of that walk often. Maybe because it was such a perfect metaphor for connection — two paths overlapping briefly, long enough to make the rain feel lighter.

Over the years, I’ve met many such people — kindness in passing. 

A stranger helping with directions, a colleague offering chai when words fail, a neighbour who remembers your dog’s name but not yours. 

They may not stay in your story, but they appear exactly when the plot needs them.

Perhaps we underestimate these fleeting bonds. We glorify permanence — best friends, lifelong mentors, “ride or die” companions — but life, in its quiet wisdom, gives us many smaller connections. The kind that don’t need definitions or contact lists.

They remind us that goodness still exists, that help still arrives unannounced, that we are never as alone as we think.

Sometimes, on hard days, I find comfort not in grand declarations of love or loyalty, but in those small, nameless moments of shared humanity — a smile from a stranger, a held umbrella, an assuring call, or a prayer offered with love.

Maybe that’s what “soul teams” really are. Not dramatic, predestined reunions, but everyday kindnesses woven into our path to keep us from hardening too much.

And if it isn’t some cosmic plan, if it’s just people being nice — even better. It means we still have the choice to be that person for someone else.

So I’ve learned to say yes — to conversations, to helping, to smiling back. To letting a moment be what it is without rushing to frame it into something more.

Because human connections, like train journeys or shared umbrellas, don’t need to last forever to mean something.

They just need to happen sincerely.

And who knows — years from now, someone might remember you too. Not for what you said or did, but for how you made them feel on a rainy walk or a confusing Friday night in New Jersey.

Maybe they’ll smile, like I do now, and think — some souls really do travel together, even if only for a few stops.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Let People Build Their Sandcastles

Some people create — a sketch, a poem, a tune — not to seek applause, not to win arguments, but simply because it feels good to let something beautiful out into the world. 

A small offering. A moment of joy shared in passing.

And then, almost on cue, arrives the Parade-Rainer. 

Not to appreciate, not to question gently, but to deliver a lofty correction or grand philosophical objection. A remark dropped with the weight of authority, yet on closer look, not even accurate. Wrong tone and wrong facts — a spectacular two-for-one.

It’s the equivalent of walking past a child building a sandcastle and declaring: “Well, technically, civilizations are doomed to fall.” 

Insightful? Hardly. 

Helpful? Not at all. 

Accurate? Not even close.


That’s the strange comedy of it — someone investing energy to dim a light that wasn’t even shining on them, and managing to get the dimming wrong.

The truth is, not every poem needs a counter-lecture, not every tender moment of creativity requires a correction. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is smile, or scroll past, or simply let someone enjoy their moment.

Because if it’s not your parade, why insist on marching in it — especially with a raincloud over everyone else’s confetti?